Answering The Internet

Answering The Internet

I find it very entertaining to look at the search terms that have led people to my blog. They’re not nearly as funny as they used to be, because there aren’t as many of them — what with privacy settings and incognito windows and stuff, a lot of them are hidden beneath the heading of “unknown search terms”. But there are always some that really make me question how people ended up here.

Most of my recent ones seem to be about Lord of the Dance, which makes sense, as I have actually blogged about it (more than once). There are also a number of search terms like “miriam joy” or “miriam joy writes”, suggesting that people are actually looking for me! Which is good, and what’s better is that they’re finding me.

But some are questions that I feel need answers, so I’m going to answer them to the best of my ability. Warning: I may not take all of these seriously.

was athelstan a real person

This, I assume, is a reference to Vikings. The answer is that the character of Athelstan within the show is fictional and not based on a specific real person, as far as I know. But there have been lots of Athelstans in history, including kings and I daresay priests and things as well.

breakout ronan hardiman is it a slipjig?

When I saw this I began questioning it myself and had to listen to Breakout again to find the answer. No, it’s not a slipjig, as a slipjig would be in 9/8, and as far as I could work out the softshoe section of the dance is in 12/8, making it a hop jig. It then transitions into a fast reel (4/4).

how to stop my docs giving me blisters

Oh, man, I so need an answer to that. I’ve had mine two years and they’re not broken in yet, so the main thing I can advice is multiple pairs of socks and plasters. I sometimes find wearing ankle supports helps prevent blisters too, but if like me you’re a size 3, it’s harder to break in the boots because they’re not actually long enough to bend much. So they’re just kinda solid.

lord of the dance dangerous games why are the baddies cyborgs

There are two ways I could answer this question. One: it’s an artistic decision that could be interpreted as an exploration of how technology can take over our lives and how dominant it has become in our culture, showing the purity of leather trousers and shirtlessness compared to electronic warriors. Two: Because why not.

who is the bad guy in artemis fowl the book

Good question. How are you defining bad guy? I would probably say that in the first of the Artemis Fowl books, the titular character himself is the bad guy. He kidnaps a fairy with no thought for the effect it’ll have on the prisoner, for profit. Come on, dude. That’s not nice.

how to write for loki’s character

Mischief. Troublemaking for the sake of it. Intelligence. Cunning. Bitterness. I don’t know, it kind of depends on which Loki we’re talking about. I’m actually meant to be writing an essay on the portrayal of Loki in the Poetic Edda and the Prose Edda this holiday — I should maybe get on with that…

is loki effeminate

At times. Like when he dresses up as a bridesmaid (Thor is the bride). Or when he gets turned into a horse and then gives birth.

why do young writers suck

Rude. They don’t necessarily suck any more than any other writers. It’s usually just that they’ve had less practice.

i’ve done a damp proof course and now customer is refusing to pay, what can i do

Go around to your customer’s house. Stick pictures of Gollum inside every cupboard door. Replace all their family photos with various intense actors looking judgey. Watch and laugh as they come across these and become increasingly shaken up. Then pretend to be a ghost and demand they repent of their sins and pay you. Try not to get arrested.

what is the disadvantage of vlogs

They take a really long time. One of mine just finished rendering and I’m about to upload it — my first video in over two months. Why? Because during term time I so don’t have time to: charge my camera, set up my tripod, film a vlog, transfer the file to my computer, edit the file, render the file (the slowest part), upload the file…

there is no romance in this relationship

I’m sorry. But really, romance is overrated. Be friends. Friends are great.

cute pics of baby donkey with glasses on

I don’t have any of these specifically, but one of my favourite sites is “Baby Goats and Friends“. Maybe you’ll find something there to your liking.

And I think that’s everything for now. There are many other queries that I feel utterly unqualified to answer because I have no idea what they mean. Remember if you have actual questions for me to answer in a potentially sarcastic manner you can ask them via my Tumblr ( where I am happy to answer almost anything and may include gifs in my answers.

In the meantime, I’m going to check on the upload status of my vlog. While waiting for it I’ve written this whole post, so I guess that could count as a disadvantage…

6 thoughts on “Answering The Internet

  1. This is HILARIOUS. I love looking at my search terms. I get some wacky weird ones. Recently I got “thranduil is creepy” which is rather hilarious seeing I NEVER blog about Thranduil. Or “book cover trend eyeball” or (this is legit) I got this one the other day: “i am stacy renae lemons what am i suppose to do in this world”. My blog might have the meaning of life. WHO WILL KNOW?
    (I also get the occasional “cait paper fury” which, like you said, is encouraging because people look and I’m easy to find!)

  2. I love looking up search terms. My main one seems to be people looking for how to build a fencing out of PVC pipes… because, you know, I wrote about attempting to fence (as in sword fight) with PVC pipes and ended up scarring my face. I’m not sure that’s a good thing, but it gets people to my blog, so okay.

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